4/25/05     whew!       I got a headache from all that.      In addition to the headaches being just headaches,  the lung tumor is gettin smaller but better yet not a mention one of lymph stuff, they better lay low.  Wow,    what a ride!

5/05/05

   Whoa,    not so fast here,   got the report today from the plane old X-Rays. Those bone mets that disappeared are being mentioned again. This time their being called Blastic lesions, instead of the garden variety Lytic lesions. Near as I can tell the difference is the density of the lesion/bone. Blastic being thick/dense, Lytic being softer, and more susceptible to fracture. That knot I talked of on page 79/book seems to be the issue. I guess there is one on my hip as well, I just can’t feel it, never tried. And no pain, I know what the pain is. It means its active, growing and eating away the bone and delivers nothing short of misery. In any case I don’t believe it is active, the x ray only shows a picture not if it is active or not. Soon I will get a PET scan, the last PET scan showed N.E.D. “no evidence of disease“.

I am comfortable that there isn’t a problem, but, but, until I get the PET scan I will be wondering. And if I get any pains in my arm or hip, I’ll not talk so tough for awhile.

These latest scans and reports have created a new dilemma in my world, an interesting dilemma of which I will speak to next month if I work it out and place well or  place at all, nah not placing isn't in the program.

I love a challenge and I love it when a plan comes through.

Once again the arrogance has biten me in the ***,   Placing in the 1100's is finishing, not placing.  Now I have to work my arrogant *** off for another year. Its allways somthing.  Oh yea the dilemma,   that part of the plan held for now.  And the cancer, who knows.    I feel great, except the not placing well part, I'm bummed.

Back to reality. This cancer buisines ain't about a race, it about staying alive.  I feel like I've done all I can to boost my chances and now I'm starting to  lax up.   Not a good thing, laxing up.   I believed at the onset and still do that you can't kill a healthy body, and as long as I keep that thought it works.

As for the cancer.              The weather is   heating up and I've planned for the sun to  power me and help me through this drug holiday, I have allways believed the sun does good things.   I'm 8 weeks out from my last treatment,  and I'm not getting that boost of energy I expected, although the energy has been great during treatment. I've actually slowed up some, not sure if thats a lack of chemo thing or ?.   Doctors have talked  about the chemo having powerfull anti inflamitory drugs.  ( not at all understanding if this is typical anti inflamitory drugs or the steriods. Incidently the steriods are more cortisteriod drugs, not the mucsle building anibolic type.  So now without the "anti inflamitory" drugs I'm starting to get the old normal aches and pains again.  Its always somthing.

                           To sum it up, I feel great,  though  a bit frantic to find the next step, can't let up now!  Back to business, so,  See you at the top?

7/22/05 uh oh  

    It seems like all the things I've done and all the talk is for not.  Not so,  I still chalange anyone to a hump, though for this intitial and additional  period I'll likely lose but not from not trying.   All talk aside, something, ( and I believe much of what I've done, including medicine, has been the benificail, fact is something has definately been beneficial.     I will walk my talk.  Even though encouragement is helpfull and I need a little encouragement when the times get hard, from my wife.  Its easy when its easy, not so easy when its hard.   Time for the hard part.  I'll be back shortly?

7/22/05

A little update here.    Got a few brain tumors happening. This brain thing is literally a ride, I’m walking like I was when I drank, and to think I used to work at walking sideways. Forward and to the left. This is  a usual  metastatic path. Brain and long bones ( humorus, arm), and pelvic area, hip) adrenal gland, (Kidney area) liver prostate and a few million other areas, somewhat in that order and are often affected, so I’m following a normal path and one that previous family members have had, so its somewhat expected if not just understood. I just have to throw this in, it wasn’t expected until I recently found out other family members had lung cancer, far late to use in a proactive fashion but that’s another story. But to make my feelings clear if the reader has any medical secrets they have responsibility to pass that information along as difficult as that may be. The ramifications of not doing so is at most deadly, and on to non repairable.

    The good news is I now know **** *** **** to do. Complacency is gone, a good thing! Time to get my mind right, gather some more arrogance and say bring it on. W.B.R.-Whole brain radiation.. To many, two large and many very small mets to do a surgical or pinpoint radiation thing, so its full brain and with a minor amount of pre meds I responded well which means, the radiation should cause a beneficial response. The head hair I’ve come to receive since stopping chemo, will be gone again, oh well, the manley beard is staying as is the eyebrows, and nose hair.

    One more thing, if you are in need of info, check out it’s the softer side of cancer talk and more designed pass on info with less venting and loud talk. But I started here, so,,,,,

    One more, as far as a tumor muddling ones mind that is dependant on tumor placement, I’m OK there. The ranting and ravings on this site is a cultural, environmental, sociological and a family thing, things that I need to vent on, in my weird cathartic way, however it violates,    my,  step 9 so,,,,                time to move on.

    It seems like all the things I've done and all the talk is for not.  Not so,  I still challenge anyone to a hump, though for this initial and additional  period I'll likely lose but not from not trying.   All talk aside, something, ( and I believe much of what I've done, including medicine, has been the beneficial, fact is something has definitely been beneficial.     I will walk my talk.  Even though encouragement is helpful and I need a little encouragement when the times get hard, from my wife.  Its easy when its easy, not so easy when its hard.   Time for the hard part.  I'll be back shortly?